Becoming Visible

Becoming Visible

I have been sharing my story in Story Sunday about how I became invisible as a child due to living in a difficult home situation with a Narcissist Beast.  A Narcissist (definition: a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves:  "narcissists who think the world revolves around them"), I was chastised for telling the truth about being a stupid thoughtless kid.  Instead, I had to make up stories that were false about how I was out to get her because I didn’t love her.  I was belittled, ridiculed and made to feel less than, a feeling that persisted for many decades.

How do you get past that?  How do you deal with the fact that you could never please The Beast no matter how hard you tried?  How much you sacrificed (like time with my own family)?  How much of yourself you gave?  I went to counselling to try to get some answers.  The most honest response I got was that it wouldn’t ever be over until one of us died. 

In my teens and twenties, I cared way too much about how others thought of me.  I was dealing with some antisemitism, challenged with how I dressed, conducted myself, took company holidays off even if they weren’t my holiday (i.e., Good Friday), my parenting and just about everything else.  As a registered People Pleaser this caused me great pain and anxiety.  Then as I hit my thirties, I started caring less about what they thought and more about how I perceived myself.  By my forties, I was much more focused on who I was as a person and made the conscious decision to stop being a victim but to be a survivor and thriver.  I became more so in my fifties and now in my sixties, I became a force of nature.  I’m really proud of who I am and how far I’ve come.

Next week:  Why Boho?

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